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Apr 10, 2010

I Will Sing

It was hard for me to accept when my dad died last Sept 14, 2009. I've question God, who knows how many times "why ??" I've wanted my dad and my mom to come live with us here for a while, to show them the country, to show them our ways of living up here. But God took my dad the day that they were flying to manila for their medical and interview to get their visa.
I was heartbroken. He's been trying to contact me, wanting to talked to me, wanting to hear my voice. For few months he's been trying but I never called back. I am so guilty for not calling and now I will never get to hear his voice..
My excused for not calling was, I was mourning , my mother-in-law past away in July 4th, 2009. My husband and I were down in Washington for sometime, to be with her and took care of her until she passed away.
I said to myself, I'll just talked to my dad when they arrive up here. We will have lots of time together and I know that when my dad starts talking, it'll take hours..I meant Hours..
I thought we will have lots of time together but I was so wrong, very wrong. Now, it is more clearer to me that truly, I don't know what tomorrows bring. I should have grabbed the chance when I had the opportunity.
The morning before my dad died, I told my brother that I want to talk to my dad as soon as he gets done with the x-ray.  But God didn't give me that chance. When I called back, after few minutes, my brother said, "I'm sorry, he's gone" I felt so terrible.
My husband and I rushed to Philippines to be with my family and friends and see my father one last time. When we arrived there, I couldn't believed the comfort we got. The love and Grace of God overcomes all of the sadness, anger and fears in my heart. I have come to realized that God had a purpose and a reason why I didn't get the chance to talk to him. It's a long story so it'll be next time in my post. Truly, God works in mysterious ways.
There were so many people who wished to be in the coffin instead of my dad. So many of them said that, they are the one who deserved to die and not my dad.  In fact, my mom was the one who comforts them instead of them comforting her.
Anyways, this getting to be a long post, so I want to share this song by Don Moen. My sister and my bother-in-law sang this song during one of the funeral nights gathering at my parents house. It was such a great song and yes we all felt that way. Actually my family and I managed to sang a song during the burial day. It was hard but we know that my dad is in God's company now where there's no more pain, no more tears, no more fears and no more suffering. In my dad's last few Sunday's, he was teaching in the Sunday's school about salvation and death and all that, the verse that he always used was "For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain." Philippians 1:21. Such a great comfort.

Lord You seem so far away A million miles or more it feels today
And though I haven't lost my faith I must confess right now that it's hard for me to pray
But I don't know what to say and I don't know where to start
But as You give the grace with all that's in my heart

I will sing I will praise. Even in my darkest hour through the sorrow and the pain
I will sing I will praise. Lift my hands to honor You because Your Word is true
I will sing

Lord it's hard for me to see all the thoughts and plans You have for me
But I will put my trust in You knowing that You died to set me free
But I don't know what to say and I don't know where to start
But as You give grace with all that's in my heart
I Will Sing

I Will Sing by Don Moen

1 comment:

  1. What a heartbreaking post, Lorena. I am grieving with your loss. I hope that it partially eases the burdens.

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